In which I discover (yet again) that I'm no genius

The difference this time is that I am holding the official MENSA letter as documented evidence. Why do I have an official letter from MENSA? Well, that's where my true non-genius thinking shines through.

As I have been working on my budding career as a speaker, trainer and author; I can't help noticing the credentials of my new peer group. Everyone seems to be a Dr. of something or other. People have degrees out the wazoo, have published books or completed incredible feats of strength or daring-do.

I'm sort of a "discount motivational speaker" -- I haven't climbed a mountain with no limbs, paddled a kayak full of emergency supplies down the Amazon without my sight, or overcome a debilitating disease any more serious than Chicken Pox. I haven't lost 100lbs (at one time), I've never been homeless, or completed a race longer than 5K. I'm sort of a yawner. "Climb every mountain, as long as its your driveway."

So, being a savvy marketer - I decided it was time to bolster my credentials. Now, I'm no Doctor -- though I read a lot of Doctor Seuss and used to be a big fan of Doctor Who. And all that book lernin' required to get an advanced degree seemed like such an awful lot of work to go through for a single sentence in my web bio . Surely there had to be a better way ...

That's where MENSA came in. Instant credibility. No muss, no fuss, 3rd party authentication that I was a genius, a "certifiable genius" -- ooooh, the speaker bookings would come rolling in!

So, I took their online test -- while I was on a boring conference call. The results came back instantly -- close, but no cigar -- you may want to try our home test. Hmmm, would there be peeing on a stick to find the genes for genius? I decided to try it.

MENSA sent me a home test for $10. My husband just rolled his eyes and said, "You paid $10 to find out if you are a genius, I would have told you for $5!" That is now looking like a good deal that someone smarter might have taken.

I scurried up to my home office to take the test in absolute quiet, yelling down for my husband to time me with a stopwatch and keep my boys quiet. "Shhh, Mommy's trying to find out if she's a genius." I am sure there was a lot of silent shoulder shaking going on. They have all been busting on me ever since -- "Go find out what the genius wants for dinner ..."

I completed the test and felt I had done my best work under optimum conditions. All that remained was for the MENSA people to send me my window decal and wallet ID card.

Instead, I got a rejection letter. Oh -- it was polite, and filled with big words I had to look up in the thesaurus.

"The criterion for membership into MENSA is a score in the upper two percent of IQ. As you can imagine, that is a small fraction of the population." (2/100ths, I believe ... did that one in my head!) "Many highly intelligent people do not qualify on this home test due to contributing factors that affect performance." (Like, for instance, being an idiot)

I didn't completely embarrass myself ... turns out that I'm in the 12th - 18th percentile. I'm smarter than your average bear, but that doesn't translate into a pithy speaking credential.

Guess I'm going to have to hack off my limbs and fjord the Amazon -- because I'm still too lazy to go back to school. Either that -- or maybe I'll audition for "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader." I mean, how hard can it be?